To the Other....

Don't let the title fool you,  it's the oldest trick; reading a book by it's cover.  Brutal honesty, no one likes it but everyone claims that they want it.  My ten year old has this saying and she uses it often "this isn't a bakery, we don't sugarcoat", I hope she never changes; however I do hope she implies her wit in the right and respectful manner. 

In today's society mixed families ( not sure that is the politically correct term but it's what I am going with ) are more common than the traditional "Clever" clan, and let's not even get me started on my opinion of June cleaning toilets in a dress, apron and heels, oh how I miss the simple days of black and white television.  Mom and dad don't always live in the same house, same city or even same state for that matter, a child may have a brother at mom's house, a sister at dad's house or be the only child at mom's and vice versa.  Adaptation to these situations aren't always easy and the little fact that seems to often get lost in translation is that kids don't ask to be put in these positions yet we throw them in there and expect them to just keep swimming. 

Living this can be a challenge, I take my role as "mom" very seriously, I mean why shouldn't I?  This is one of the most important roles I will ever have in life.  As it should be for all Mom's, Dad's, Step-Mother's and Step-Fathers - little eyes are watching you, medium size eyes are watching you, heck grown eyes are watching you, studying you, mirroring you.  How you react when adversity hits, how you treat someone who has wronged you, how you act within the hardest times, you're a role model at least to the child in your home.  That little nugget of information is often forgotten. 



I can't begin to imagine how hard it is to be a step-parent, I see the struggles with this responsibility daily, not personally, but I watch my husband daily.  First let me say, he totally rocks this whole step-dad thing, he and my daughter have this bond that ah-maz-ing and I may or may not be jealous at times, ha.  I refuse to paint you the perfect picture because my household is not "Cleverish" in the least, every day is a struggle, a circus and utter madness, we rush out the door to make it to school on time, during basketball season we rarely set down for a homemade meal together, but we make it work and try to smile while doing it . Watching him struggle sometimes is hard, I won't pretend to know how he feels, but he works through it with the most patience and grace possible. He has never once has made our daughter feel that she was not his, that just because she doesn't have the same last name that is on our mailbox  this is anything less than her home. 

So, back to the title,

To the "other woman or man" ......

As the parent of an innocent child thrown into our "mixed" families I ask that you remember that they didn't ask for this, more than likely this situation resulted from adults who didn't make good decisions or lacked the work ethic and faith it takes to make things work. I ask that you realize that this child feels unwelcomed in your home at times, even if you haven't done anything to indicate that, that they feel not a part because they're not there full time, that when you reference family - you include them too.  Please remember before you speak that there are some things that should not be discussed in front of them, that all they want is a place, no make that a relationship in their parents life and in their siblings life too. Please remember that BOTH their mom and dad are some sort of hero's to them so when you make derogatory comments about them it only sets you up to be the villain in their eyes.  I ask that you always be honest with them, even when it's hard, inconvenient and doesn't paint you in the best light.  I ask that you remember that life isn't always fair and that some day you may find yourself in my position worrying about your child, think about how you would want the "other woman/man" to treat your flesh and blood, the biggest part of your heart?




Please consider it a privilege that you have been chosen to be part of a child's life. Please be their friend, their cheerleader, their voice of reason, make them feel special, make them feel a part of things, support their decisions and please should something ever happen to their biological parent fill that void the best you can without trying to replace them.

The biggest responsibility we are ever given is raising a child, its more than a job. Think of it as if you were placed there for a reason the role you play be it villain or superhero, the place you have in their life, the impact you have and how your character is revealed,  well that's totally up to you.