Three summers ago, right after my family of three had relocated to a town nearly three hours from the only place I'd ever known as home my husband helped make a long time wish of mine come true. Given our new home and rather large back yard, we put in a pool. For as long as I can remember, way back to when I still played dress up, I have always wanted a pool.
I had the picture in my head of how it would be, how much fun we'd have as a family, how tan I would become, never once did it cross my mind how much time and money that went in to keeping that thing suitable for afloat. There's so much more to pool ownership than picking the perfect float (because the ones that allow you to soak up the water are the best) or using the right SPF. Being a first time pool owner, I had no idea there needed to be weekly cleaning with a vacuum that is nowhere as easy to manipulate as a Hoover, the right winterizing chemicals had to be used at end of season and there is even a particular way you should cover your backyard vacation in preparation for the colder months ahead. It's a constant job, but it's one that I had always wanted right?
As we open our pool for the third season of use the water is no where near the crystal blue of seasons past, clouds galore align within my circular escape of tranquility, all because I slipped on a few chores when ending the season last year and let some crud take camp at the bottom. My husband calls me over-dramatic, I come by it honestly, but it's rather safe to say that I was throwing somewhat of a hissy fit over this less than perfect water. Sitting in my back yard last night sulking and staring endlessly at the liner I wish I could see, I had a moment. Am I really here pouting over some cloudy water? Is this really worth my wasting my time and negating any positivity within my day. I had this thought, and I may deny it to anyone else but I was actually thinking, how spoiled am I? Here I sit so upset just because my water is cloudy when I should be glad I have water at all. This also prompted me to think about all the aspects of life that one sentence could apply too, my water is cloudy.
Society as a whole today drives us to believe that we have to possess certain things, act certain ways, be part of certain groups. We're lead to believe that appearance is everything and by no means should we ever go out of the house with looking less than stellar, behave in any manner less than desired. Our homes should be clean, laundry complete, dinner on the table. Our children should be the example of manners, our marriage without conflict. Society even tries to coach us and influence as to what we should believe and only that is considered to be politically correct. Our families are to be without any drama, conflicts or disagreements, there should be no cloudy water in our pools of life so to speak. Society has apparently never been to a "real" family reunion, you'll drown in cloudy water at the park that day.
There are days when I believe I am drowning in cloudy water, there is no shame in my game. My laundry may be piled up for days but we have clothes. My house isn't always clean but at least we have a roof over our heads, my dinner may be microwaveable or bought at times but we have food to eat. I often have to remind my daughter to say "please" and "thank you" however; I wouldn't trade her for the world. My husband may frustrate me to no end at times (i.e. the reason for the actual cloudy water in my pool ha ha ha ) but we love unconditionally. My family invented crazy and you better believe we push the boundaries on that stereotype everyday, but I have a family, I have love in my life. Makeup doesn't touch my face everyday and let's just say it wouldn't be hurtful if I could find time to get a run in a couple days a week. My clothes aren't always ironed and I wear a hat more days than I wear my hair down. Here's the thing though, I'm alive, I'm healthy, I am able to work everyday, I am able to take all my blessings and make the life I have been blessed with great. Perfection is overrated and perception is what you make it. Maybe someone looks at me and sees the slob I feel like I am most days or maybe someone looks at me and sees a working mom and wife just doing the best she can, nothing I do is going to change that. I'm going to embrace my cloudy water, use it to help me grow, become a better me and those that truly know my heart will want to swim in my pool anyway.
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