It's Okay to Cry Sometimes

Throughout my adolescent years, teen years and young adult years I always relied on my Papaw to be the sense of reason, if there was one person that could always get through to me, it was him. He just had this way about him, this comforting, calming way that got straight through to me. I know you may find this hard to believe but I tend to be a little dramatic (HaHa); I can’t help it – I come from a long line of independent,stubborn and dramatic women, we own it. When I was having a hard time with school, a friend, a boy or just anything in life, that I thought was actually a problem at the time, I would always go to Papaw – we would sit in the living room or on the front porch in his favorite rocking chair and just be. Sometimes we would talk, sometimes we would shout out absurd answers to Jeopardy, sometimes he would talk on the phone and I would just listen, some days we wouldn’t say anything at all. Regardless of how we spent our time together, I cannot remember a time that I walked away not feeling completely better about my current predicament or confident in a decision I had to make. 

I was in Tampa, Florida for work when COVID19 first started making major news headlines. Confession, I don’t watch the news much, I just don’t like it. I read online news sometimes, and I try to stay up to date on any healthcare related items,sometimes trashy gossip items related to my favorite Hollywood types and sports related articles but other than that I kind of avoid it. The news depresses me and politics infuriate me so I avoid, avoid, avoid. Spending the week with my colleagues and after various texts from family members I finally bit the bullet and typed the deadly virus into the search engine. Initially I was concerned but not panicked. I wash my hands,I sneeze into my arm,I practice good hygiene this is nothing more than the super-size flu. 

Being one of those individuals blessed with a racing brain that never stops my “spidey” senses would kick in every time I heard the word “Corona” uttered.  My concern rose to a new level as I sat in the Atlanta Airport, waiting to board a plane home, watching our Vice President explain the number of lives that had been lost in Washington State. Immediately I became more conscious of what I touched, how close I got to people – The VP had just said, “stay away from crowded, confined spaces” and here I was getting ready to board a full flight where I was certain at least one out of every five people were coughing. Cue first breakdown.

The bricks just kept tumbling from there. I returned home and a different world emerged slowly before my eyes. Hospitals were no longer allowing us to conduct meetings onsite, emails were flying through my Outlook in multiples regarding this virus. I was meeting with Andy every day at 9AM and 4PM. People in my own state were getting sick and the President was on every day at noon. Schools were closed, spring sports cancelled, dining in isn’t an option, businesses are closed and social distancing is our new norm. All of that is not what I am struggling with the most, what I am struggling with is this – for how long?  No one knows and that is scary. I was optimistic at first, a month or two and we will be right back to it. But as the days go on and I watch our world continue to break, I watch lives continue to end,social distancing guidelines continue to escalate and I find it hard to find some type of positive but I kept plugging along. Putting on a brave face for my daughter, trying to ease her fears and worries while not letting her see straight through me and realize that I,too have those same fears and worries now. I am mom, I am supposed to make everything better, I am supposed to fix everything and this feels all too much like the first time a boy broke her heart and all I could do was comfort her and try to distract her. 

What brought me to my knees this week? A single text. One sentence from my daughter that she sent as soon concluded a “Zoom Class” with an English teacher that she loves to pieces. That text – “mamma I just want to go back to school.” Nine simple words took the breath straight out of me because I knew that it did not matter how I responded, I couldn’t ease her worry. I threw some bullcrap motivational sentence back at her trying to point out that this too shall pass, but I knew it wasn't enough. Hours later I still felt like I handled the situation completely dreadful.  I kept trying to channel my “Inner Papaw”, I was trying to think back to some of the things he would say to me back when he was still here on this Earth to calm me. What would he think of the world today? What would he say? I found myself wishing that he was here, I was home sitting on the front porch with him, he would throw out some of his words of wisdom and both Alex and I would walk away feeling so much better.  I went to sleep with him on my mind and found my sleep to be a little more peaceful that night but still left without the right words.

I love my Granny, there is not a part of my childhood that doesn't involve her. Papaw calmed, Granny cared. I don't talk to her as often as I should, we exchange texts, I send her pictures of Alex and she is a big emoji fan but I wanted to hear her voice. The next morning we weren’t one minute into the conversation and I knew immediately what the words were.  As my grandmother and I caught up on the news and life her voice brought me so much comfort and peace as I told her about Alex’s text she told me “you tell Alex that she will be fine, that she is a strong little girl and I know that because she has a strong mommy.” I had always had the words, Papaw just had pointed me in the direction to them, he pointed me to the backbone of my childhood. 

Once our conversation ended I was immediately taken back in time fifteen years when it was my Granny that comforted and calmed me during what was one of the hardest times of my life. I was eight months pregnant and laying in a bed at Central Baptist Hospital. Due to my condition I had been hospitalized and placed on bed rest two weeks before Thanksgiving. All I could do all day long was read, watch TV and worry. Being alone in a hospital, left to only your own thoughts is one of the scariest things. I couldn’t wait to meet the baby girl I had been growing and I was scared to death thinking that would never happen or that I had done something wrong and “messed” her up already somehow. I would have visitors sporadically but I was two hours from my family and my friends and family that were in town had kids and jobs so I understood that they couldn’t be there all the time.  At night, when I would lay there all alone, I would just cry – and yes, I am sure the pregnancy hormones had something to do with it too, but I would cry because so much was unknown and this situation wasn’t something I could control. I wasn’t allowed to just get up and walk down the hall or even out to get fresh air. I felt helpless and that I had already failed my first task as a Mom. 

I was so excited to see my Granny show up around 5 one evening. I had no idea she was coming, I hadn’t seen her in a couple weeks and words can’t describe the sense of peace and comfort that came over me that day when I heard the click of that hospital door and her face appeared. Of course she came bearing all the goodies she had been known for my whole life – her famous homemade fudge, chex mix and her smile. We sat,ate,laughed and watched TV all evening (Judge Judy and Law n Order were her favorites back then). My Grandmother slept that night on a fold out chair beside my hospital bed  to comfort me, to be strong for me and for the first time I felt like maybe I could get through this,I just needed the strength she was lending me. The next morning, when I knew she had to go I tried with all of my might to hold back the tears and keep my brave face in place.  I watched her pack her bag up, sit the candy and snack mix within my reach, hug my neck, kiss my forehead and tell me she loved me before she started toward the door. Almost to the door she turned around, wiped a tear from her face and said “Misty, it is okay to cry sometimes, Granny cries sometimes too.” And with that she was gone. 

Yesterday as I sat on my porch, reliving that memory, I realized that I have had the right words all along, I just needed reminded what they were. Although my situation back then and what’s going on in our world today aren’t identical they’re similar. Today I have a feeling of helplessness, a fear of the unknown just like I did that November day back in 2004, but today I carry that fear for a miniature version of myself too. It's my turn to be strong for my daughter and pass some of my strength to her the same as my Granny did to me that day. So each day as her anxiety grows and I try to be brave I will tell her that if she does feel like she needs to cry of if I feel like I need to cry – that’s what we will do.  We will cry for the lives lost, those on the front lines, our leaders, our world, our families, our friends, our fears and the unknown because it is okay to cry sometimes, even Granny does it and she is the strongest person I’ve ever known.

Guest Post: I Guess I Kind of Lost Myself Looking Out for you

Y’all - my baby girl can write.  I’ve always known we are a lot alike, it appears we express ourselves the same way too - with our words.  So here’s a guest post from my Mini Me who is maturing everyday and discovering a little more about who exactly she is everyday in this crazy world. I am so proud of the young woman she’s becoming and I’m even more proud of her for being honest and being real about what it’s like to be 14 these days.

I Guess I Kind of Lost Myself When I was Looking for you

Growing up a teenage girl in today’s society, especially in high school, is not easy. There are so many people we try to please and impress, even though the strong women in our lives preach to us not to. Every girl has THAT boy, just like Superman has his Kryptonite. I’m talking about THAT boy you would wait for after a football game in the rain, only to find out he would be snap chatting a girl the next day. The boy who you would stay up late for, and do anything you could to help them. Apparently, my best wasn’t good enough for you, and I’m still coming to terms with that, and trying to make peace with it.

When the relationship started, it was all sunshine and rainbows. But, as you know, most things are probably too good to be true. I guess my question is this: Why? Why wasn’t I good enough for you? Did you think you were too good for me? I’m still confused about this, and until you give me an answer, I probably always will be. This just doesn’t seem fair to me. I practically wasted 9 months of my life on someone who just wanted the title of having a “girlfriend.”

Was it because of who I was? I can’t help that. I don’t understand why you would get mad at me for trying to better myself at the sport I love. I can not replace my hobbies to satisfy your needs. That’s not only a disadvantage to me, but too much greatness for you to deserve for me.

My Step Dad has coached boys basketball for as long as I can remember, and I grew up in a gym. Matter of fact, my first word was “Ball”.  I grew up with the game, I grew up with the boys that come and went. By no means was I attracted to them; they were and are like siblings and friends to me. For you to get mad over this is absolutely insane. Obviously I wanted you, or I wouldn’t have put up with so much and honestly, I can’t blame you for your actions, It’s you’re personality. You’re protective of people you love, and there’s nothing wrong with that, that’s a great quality to have. If you couldn’t trust me that much, then why didn’t you end the relationship before it got too far and I got attached?

By no means was I a perfect girlfriend. Heck, I probably wasn’t even a good one. I tried for you, I really did. I dropped friends, unfollowed people, and changed my whole schedule for you. That took some guts. After all, I have been an only child my entire life and I’ll be the first one to admit: I’m selfish. For you, I tired to work through this. I guess you gave me a new perspective on the way I look at things. I was looking out for you first when I planned my weekly schedule I planned around you, I thought of how things would effect you first, I worried about you first and so on.  I guess I kind of lost Myself when I was looking for you.

I really hope your family is doing okay. I’m not going to lie, I miss them. Your mom was one of my favorite people in the world. She treated me like I was one of her own, and I was comfortable around her. I know she raised you amazingly, so it shocked me when you acted out like this. You grew close to my family, too. In fact, they still ask about you. I don’t know how to react, so, “he’s fine” has become a pretty common statement at family events. Because, truthfully I don’t know how you are.

What bothers me the most is that you felt like you had to lie and go behind my back on a lot of things. I may be dramatic, but I understood your reasoning for a lot of things. You’re smarter than people give you credit for. You could have came to me first, but you went to her and because of this, I question myself more. I’m not delusional, I understood that you had friends that were girls, just like I had friends that were boys, but to me, you always came first.

Not only did this the breakup hurt when we first ended it, it still hurts now, but the pain is different. I ask myself “am I going to find another one of you?” I know I will, but I am impatient. I question myself on the way I act, the things I do, and practically everything else. Because once the all the lies are exposed, the true feelings are aired and you get told everything that you didn’t want to hear, gets pretty tough. “Why am I not good enough?” is still a common question in my mind, thanks to you.

I thought writing this would help me get my frustration, anger, sadness and all the feelings out, because it seems they have only increased for the past 3 weeks or so. The questions are growing louder, and I’m starting to find answers I didn’t want to know. By no means am I “okay” with how things ended, but do I have a choice not to be? Things get easier, day by day, and I find new ways to cope with things, and just as I have; I hope you have, too. I wish you well. Honestly, I probably brought a lot of the pain on myself by expecting too much of you. I hope the girl you date next is perfect for you, because apparently I wasn’t.

This is the last page in this chapter of my life, and even though things did not turn out the way I
hoped they would, I want to thank you for the portion you played. Thank you for pushing me to be my best, even if you’re way of pushing me was different. Thank you for being my first real boyfriend. Not matter where life goes, you nor I can take back those 9 months, which were the best (and worst) times of my life so far. So thank you, truly. I’m no longer trying to replace you, I’m moving on and someone is out there who will appreciate me, just being me.

“It’s not clear what I need yet, but it’s clear it’s not you.”

From the Sideline: Mistress, This Bed May not be Big Enough for Three Anymore

Dear Mistress (Basketball),

I accepted you because you brought joy to his life and great people into mine.  I applauded you because you taught me many life lessons and how to recognize those who are truly genuine and care about others. I came willingly into this marriage knowing that he had another love in his life and I would have to share his attention. That in reality, I was not his first love and I was okay with that because his passion and drive to help others was one of the many reasons I fell in love with him. I knew beforehand that most of my nights October-March would be spent in a gym, that there would be limited times we would set down to eat dinner together, that he would be at the gym more than he was at home and I accepted it, I supported it.  I jumped in head first, going to all the games, having team dinners, traveling all throughout the summer and taking part anyway I could. You, Basketball, were his passion and I wanted to support him fully. I invited you into our home with open arms, treated you like family and it wasn't long before I was cuddling to you at night too. With any relationship, I know there are going to be ups and downs, no relationship is perfect, but I have to wonder if maybe, I have been trying to hang on for us all. We may have reached the point where this bed is just not big enough for the three of us anymore.

While one of the things I admire most of my better half is his determination to succeed and his need to help others reach their dreams, it is this characteristic of his that is now keeping us all awake at night.  It seems as though, here lately, you only bring out the worst in us, you only bring heartache, stress and adversity.  I've watched you, Mistress, strip away happiness from those I love the most, dull their fire and implore me to question if there are really any good people left in the world. You have paved the way for doubts to grow, to open myself up and let this world make me bitter by showcasing the bad things only.  In the grand scheme of things I know that there are things in life that are so much bigger than you that lies between us at night, we're blessed in too many ways to name; but with that said, I can't help but maybe think you may be the catalyst for the majority of our heartache.

I miss the days of game tape, new coaching videos, hilarious text conversations, a house full of smelly boys and a young little girl just wanting to learn the game she has watched her Dad love. Those happy times have now been replaced with drawn out sighs, sleepless nights, grey hair, the constant fear of failing those around you and misplaced anger at those who mean the most and are closest to you. I long for the days of true friendships, a true feeling of team, the love of the game, the laughter and excitement in the air.

Basketball, this leaves me to wonder if we have reached an impasse, have we reached the point that I must "Go Hazard" and kick you out? Must we site irreconcilable differences and sign on the dotted line? Over the years as his Mistress you've become a large part of my life too,  you've become my family, you've brought wonderful people into my life and good memories in droves, but as of late, moods are sour, tones are harsh, expectations are fleeing and tension lives at the surface. I have to confess, I did see this coming, he tried to tell me and I didn't believe him.  I kept pushing and cheering convincing him that better days were coming, that soon he'd see something, he'd have a revelation that brought him back around to willingly being in our relationship. I had faith that the Mistress he had loved for so long, unconditionally, wouldn't completely turn her back on him, that you would remind him why he fell in love with you in the first place.  Maybe that was selfish on my part, honestly, I just wasn't ready to let you go either, I worried what would happen if you were no longer such a large part of our lives. Now, I worry what will happen if I continue to let you sleep between us at night.

So, Mistress I ask you- please show us a sign,  give me anything to ensure that I don't need to put my hair up, remove my earrings and throw hands with you.  Give me a glimpse of something indicating that the tide will change, that the good guys can win, that all his work and the work of those around him has not been for nothing. Throw some gas on that fire that seems to be fading in all this adversity, remind him of what you once had. Initially it was my intention to plea to you to prevent him from walking away from you all together, now, I just hope that you make our last days together memorable.

The truth of the matter is, YOU, Basketball, need him just as much as he needs you.  You need him to remind kids that there are still adults out there that only want what's best for them, that someone is out there with no hidden agenda and just the will to want to see them succeed.  You need him to show kids that there are people that will be in their corner long after the ball has quit bouncing. You, need him to teach kids that doing the right thing is the only way to do things. You, my dear Mistress need him to show kids how to fall in love with the game again, to remind kids that if they work hard good things happen. Take your sassy, somber, joy-stealing personality back to where you have been hiding it and bring back the happy again or this bed is just going to continue to get smaller and you may find your butt on the floor. This world brings enough of the bad stuff into our lives and I won't allow you to do the same. 🏀🏀🏀🏀

From the Sideline: Our Bench is Getting Empty

I always pictured myself with a house full of kids, I wanted a house full of kids. Unfortunately life had other plans for me and I found out a couple years after my daughter was born that more kids probably weren’t in the cards for me. Often, I like to tell Alex (our 13 year old daughter) that she literally broke the mold, ha ha – but we just accepted that our family of three was how it was meant to be. When my husband started talking about moving back to his hometown six years ago, the thought scared me to death. We lived 30 minutes from all my family members and coming from someone who lived next door to their mother and grandmother, on the same street they grew up on, for the majority of their adult life I already felt like I had moved far away from them. Stay or go, one week I was moving, the next I had cold feet and I am pretty sure at one point my husband thought he had actually married a crazy person, and after ten years of marriage I am pretty sure he knows he married one. Needless to say, eventually we actually packed up and moved. Three hours away from everything I had ever known, where I knew almost no one.

Now five and a half years later, I can tell you with absolute certainty that I am in a firm believer that you always, end up where you are intended to be and it is clear that it was meant for us to be here. Charlie has coached for as long as I have known him, he loves basketball, I often write about basketball being his Mistress. Right before we moved, I noticed his love fading, I could tell he didn’t really feel like he was helping, he didn’t feel like he was teaching, he had talked of giving up coaching. It was not long after we got settled he began coaching at his Alma Mater and although the first year was rocky, he dug in his heels and prepared for year two. It was then, in his second year that our family became bigger than three. That group of kids will forever have a special place in my heart.

What started out as a few, has now turned in to many. Our bench (Basketball family) started with some kids in 8th grade and expanded beyond the borders of our small Eastern Kentucky town. Over the course of the last five years we have added members and lost members but each and every one unique in their own right and each holding special places in my heart. It doesn’t matter if you were on the bench for one year or five, family is family that is just how I look at it. Over the course of numerous states, gyms and months I have grown to love a group of kids as if they were my own. Since this past Friday, I have watched that bench get smaller and smaller as more graduation ceremonies take place. I always thought that the next graduating class to impact me directly would have been the class of 2023, that is the year Alex will walk across that stage, I didn’t plan on the young men within this graduating class of 2018 to take some of Coach Mom’s heart when they went, but I guess that is what I get for planning.

To the parents in our basketball family: I cannot thank you enough for allowing us to be a small part of your child’s journey. We will forever be grateful that you have shared your child with us. You have allowed me to experience what it would be like to have the house of kids I had always dreamed of, even if they often left the couch smelling like "boy".  Ha Ha 

So to the basketball family in the class of 2018:

I have watched you struggle and succeed, I have witnessed you in victory and defeat. I have watched you face adversity and beat it. I have watched you grow into the young men you are by learning life lessons, mostly the hard way. I watched you comfort your Coach when he lost a loved one and I saw what it meant to him. Apparently I wasn’t there you taught Alex how to throw a punch but I did witness you take a spoiled little girl under your wing and make her a surrogate little sister regardless of how much she annoyed you. I have watched you win big trophies and make big plays. I have watched you drive out of your way just to support Alex in basketball games, I have watched you volunteer your time to help our family whenever we needed it.  I was there when you gave up your Friday nights to take Alex to a football game or let her crash your dates, I was there when you picked her up for early morning workouts or just texted her some encouragement when she needed it. I have watched your dreams come true with your commitments to play college basketball or continue your education.  I have watched you show a Coach, who thought he had lost his love for the game remind him why he does what he does by the relationships you have formed with him. I have witnessed you help a family become whole when we didn’t even know that's what we needed. And now, I will watch you move on to the next chapter in your life with a little sadness but a whole lot of happiness in my heart because we have made a family for life. Words can’t express how proud we are of you and how blessed we feel just to have been a small part of your journey. You may no longer sit on our bench, but you will always have a place at our table.

I Hope That I Haven’t Failed you

The older I get the less and less holidays are enjoyable for me. I guess I should accompany that statement with saying this first, I am one lucky girl, I’ve made so many memories and been blessed with opportunities to better myself and provide for my family, I’ve had the privilege of knowing and developing relationships with great friends, I have an amazing family both blood and not and I’ve had the amazing experience of loving others. So, I don’t want my first sentence to seem petty or ungrateful, it’s exactly the opposite - words can never express my gratitude and I’ve lost enough loved ones to know that I cannot afford to take one minute, one opportunity for granted to make memories with my loved ones, which holidays often provide. It’s just the pressure, the expectation of those singled out special days of the year that bring one more thing into the fold you have to worry about and today, Mother’s Day, is no exception. As moms, I feel like we’re under a microscope enough, the pressure to be the successful professional, the dry-cleaner, the baker, the chef, the maid, the confidant, the chauffeur and the find anything missing in less than a minute individual. It doesn’t help that the very minute we fail at one small thing it’s broadcasted to the world. Do I love being a mom? Of course I do. Do I love my daughter more than life? Absolutely. Would I trade a minute of my life? No way. Would I trade my life for hers, take the pain for her, try to keep the world from ever hurting her? Certainly. How am I doing as a mom? I’m failing and failing bad. Is it possible that I’ve tried too hard to be a good mom that it’s made me bad at it? Because that’s exactly how I feel about it today. In the world we live in today, our kids are exposed to so many things that can ultimately factor into the type of person they become, the type of adult they will be, how hard they will work. I’ve focused so much on doing so much for my daughter, I’ve spoiled her since birth and I’m realizing now that instead of making her feel loved, I’ve only made her feel entitled. What’s the first thing you want to do when your child feels pain? Take it away. When something’s wrong, you want to fix it for them, it’s engrained in us a “Mamma”. What happens we wake up one day to realize that by providing so much, loving so much we’ve made them ungrateful, we’ve made them co-dependent and lazy? Honestly, I don’t know that today’s youth know how far a simple, “thank you” or “how was your day mom?” goes. That just showing some interest or concern let’s the hardworking, frazzled and frustrated mom know that they’re not killing themselves for nothing. It’s very rare that you hear “yes, sir” or “no, ma’am” these days. My point is this, I have concentrated so much on making things great for my kid, making sure she not only has what she needs but what she wants that I have made it almost impossible for her see that she should be thankful for what she has, that she doesn’t always need more. I have made it hard for her mind to conceive that if you want good things in life you have to work for them. You want a 4.0 GPA and to go to your dream school? Work for it, study hard, prepare and take advantage of every opportunity granted to you. You want succeed at your sport or think you deserve more playing time? Work for it, put in the after hours work, refuse to give up and put forth 110% of effort into what you are passionate about every single day. I can’t do it for you and despite what my past actions may have displayed, I don’t want to do it for you. I want you experience the feel of achieving a goal you worked for. I want you to be proud of yourself. I want you to want for others, to think of others and feel empathy for those around you. I want you to realize that others matter just as much as you do, despite the fact that I’ve made you feel like the only little girl in the world. You matter but others matter too. We’ve reached the point in your life that I just have to hope you come to these realizations on your own. Truth is, I know what you’re capable of, I know deep down you have everything it takes to climb any mountain you chose to tackle. I’ll be your biggest cheerleader waiting at the top. I’ll even hold your hand through the hardest peaks but I cannot and will not climb that mountain for you, I love you too much to do that. I have had my time, now is yours and I love you too much to live through you. I want you to experience not only the happiness and laughter that comes with life but the sadness and adversity life throws your way as well. And while as a young teen this may seem harsh to you, my hope is that one day you’ll understand, one day when you’re a mother, you’ll see the method behind my madness. I hope that by trying to be such a good mother to you, that I haven’t failed you all together.

Guest Post: The Journey

Guest post from The Coach that resides in our home, this year is a particularly sentimental one for our family, some of our kids (because any part of the basketball family is just that - family) that we have spent countless hours with, in multiple cities and states over the summers are graduating in a few short weeks and it is really hitting home. Below he speaks out, which he hardly ever does, about his journey with a special group of young men over the course of two, three, four or five years on being in the huddle on the sidelines with them. He talks about how all chapters in life, no two alike, end as a new one begins and what you take with you when you go is most important. --------------------------------------------------The Journey-from beginning to end and this is what I’ve learned ------- Charlie Pack Are there things I’d go back and change? It’s only natural to say yes, but then we would not be where we are today and we wouldn’t be as wise as we are today, we wouldn’t be the people we are today. A journey consists of many things, many hours of pounding the stone hoping to just have a chance at the end. There will be highs and lows, you will sweat together, you will cry together (both of happy and sad ones) and you will be your brother’s keeper. Those that have support you,  embrace them, those are the people you can talk to about your dream, your journey and they will understand you, understand your determination and destination. Ignore those that doubt you, if you let them in they will only bring you down. Instead use their words, their doubts as motivation on the days you feel like quitting. There will be arguments, regrets, adversity, disagreements, and your character will be tested. Don’t let the obstacles overshadow the love, laughter, hugs, smiles, and bonds you build along the way.

And just as everything in life does, the journey will come to and end, people will move on and start anew. And with that change all you can do is hope that the relationships that have been built will outlast time. You hope that  the lessons you have been taught and values that have been instilled in you on this part of the journey help you achieve more in life and guide your path.

The beginning is scary, the process is fun and the ending is sad - that’s the complete journey. Letting go of things at the end of each chapter of your life can become emotionally draining. And you must start all over again. Developing new relationships, figuring out goals and what brings purpose to them. What are their goals on and off the court? And just like with every process, it is a challenge at first, but when you stick to what works, when those relationships blossom it is a beautiful thing.

Our journey has been a beautiful thing and it has made us who we are today. We can’t live in the past, we can’t go back and change it, we learn from it, let it make us better and brace for the future because nobody knows what’s ahead of us. Focus on the present, prepare for tomorrow and learn from the past and grow.  

The journey is not always easy but, it is worth every single second. Wins and losses don’t matter, it’s the relationships, smiles, hugs, and knowing you have helped them along the way and they have helped with yours that is truly what makes the process of the journey beautiful.

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This is Why you Play.....

It doesn't matter if you win or lose it's how you play the game, I am sure you have heard that before. It's always been a running joke around our house that that old saying is a complete joke because winning or losing definitely matters if you're married to the Coach; however, just recently a 6 year old taught me that isn't necessarily the case. In today's society we often get too caught up in other things to remember why, myself included.  With technology being as advanced as it is today and the growing use of social media we've went away from the basics, the simplicity of things. We've lost sight of why, why do you love this game? Why do you play? It's time we get back to the basics, the wooden backboards, the dirt courts, the neighborhood pick up games all the things that basketball was built on.  

 

That Little Tikes goal you had when you were little sitting in your Play Room or in our home,the Living Room, remember the fun you had with it. Think of all the battles you had on that little goal whether you were playing your parent (whom had to play on their knees so they didn't have height advantage) or your someone pretending to be your least favorite NBA player while you were pretending to be your favorite. Remember the 8 yr old version of yourself shooting hoops in the driveway, the young you who hated to lose so much that you cried, even if it was just your Kentucky Wildcats losing on TV and you hadn't played a minute. The first time you stepped on to the court as part of a team and that sick feeling in your stomach, you realize now was just excitement, remember your first pair of basketball shoes that you'd just die without and how you just knew they'd help you play better, even if that was just a point to backup your argument with your parents. Think about your first heartbreaking loss that just gutted you and your first hard fought win. Remember when you realized how much joy this game brings you. And all of this, is why you play. 

 

During a Junior Varsity ballgame this past season my daughter and I were sitting with some of her friends when one of our Juniors stopped to speak to us on his way to the locker room, as he walked off I heard one of the kids say "you really know him?" It wasn't what he said but the way he said it that caught my attention, with awe in his voice like his very own version of Kevin Love had just walked by. What may not seem like a big deal to one person is a very big deal to someone else, to the little kid sitting in the stands, you are somebody. 

You're sitting in the stands at a neighboring high school for a season game, a kid makes a beautiful move into the lane and finishes through contact, the next thing you hear is the complete stranger sitting beside you say, "wow he's so good."  It is that statement that compels your daughter to say, "yeah he just scored his 1000th point this year, I know him, we're practically family" then proceeds whip out her phone and show off a picture of herself and said player as proof, like he's her very own version of John Wall. In that small gym in a small Kentucky town that kid, that player, he is a big deal. 

The smallest youth league player on the team gazes up at you like his very own version of Shaq just because you took the time to sit beside him on the bench and high five him at the end of the game, you've just made his day, in that moment you're an AllStar.  How about the 6 year old that watches your AAU game in complete concentration and amazement like he's sitting front row at The Garden, win on lose he asks each of you to take a photo after the game, his day is made each time he smiles for the camera.  The little girl that asks for a picture with you as you come off the field for Homecoming Court, she's smiling ear to ear like she is on the red carpet at her own version of the Espy's, she's another reason why. 

All these kids, they're why you play.  At a moment in time you have made a difference, you can make the day of someone who looks up to you, you can make a difference everyday. Little eyes are always watching you and with every obstacle you overcome, every mountain you climb you give them hope that one day they'll do it too.  Remember this why you play.  

 

Those teammates that know you better than you know yourself, those long car rides and inside jokes that's part of you.  Those that have stayed true to your friendship, those guys that go to war for you on the court and you do the same for them, they're why you play.  The two hour trip to watch a new AAU teammate play for the first time and another teammate for the first time this season and as a bonus they both just put on a show that has you thinking maybe basketball is better in the mountains, just a another reason why you play. How about the short trip to support an AAU teammate in the Regional Tournament or arriving early to catch the JV action in support of a teammate, all reasons why you play.  The hotel stays, team breakfasts or dinners, the relationships you have and the friendships you would never have had without this game, this is why you play. 

 

While it may be easy to get lost in the "noise" created by social media, your peers, community or those with ill intentions it is important that to remember why....You play for those who aren't physically able but wish they were, you play for those that can't because life just sometimes gets in the way, you play for your the parent or mentor that does everything they can to put you in a position to succeed. You play for the young you with butterflies in your stomach, you play for the little kid who looks at you like you're a celebrity, you play for your teammates who've become family, you play because you just love type game, you play for every version of you. You play for those taken from us to soon, you play for those that would have given anything to take the court with you....this is why you play.