My Husband has a Mistress..........

My husband has a mistress, I’ve known this since I met him and I married him anyway. She sleeps between us every year from October to July. I have to give him credit, he was completely upfront about it, talked about the passion they shared, that she was his first love, she was there for him when no one else was and he politely told me no one would ever take her place.  My husband has a mistress, her name is basketball and I am totally okay with that.



Part of our Family; Freshman 2014-2015 Team

Somewhere I once read that it is a blessing to have something to be passionate about, but if you are actually good at what you are passionate about it is a sign.  For my better half all signs point to coaching basketball, he is passionate about helping kids and basketball, the bonus is that he is really good at it.  It takes a special person to reach today’s youth, to get them to buy in, to get them to believe in what you’re teaching and somehow Charlie does that. 

 

Anything worth doing, is worth doing well, my Granny Margaret said those words to me as a little girl and there’s not an aspect of life they do not reach.  When you are as passionate about something as Charlie you give it your all and then some, so that means our household must revolve around basketball and it does.  That fact is why it’s normal for him to not be home until late, for him to be at the gym hours before practice even starts.  It is normal for our trunk to be full of extra uniforms and basketballs, it is normal to find practice schedules all over the house, it is normal for your wife to actually know what a press offense is.  Every night I watch him read leadership books and draw up play’s (Alex once asked why he was drawing all those hugs and kisses) with X’s and O’s and infuriate me to no end rewinding games to re-watch plays.  It is normal for your wardrobe to consist of only the school colors (even when it’s not your best color) and for the abundance of Coaching DVDs in your entertainment stand to outweigh the cartoons.  Charlie puts his whole heart into helping boys grow, not only as basketball players but as young men. The lesson being, you can have all the talent in the world, but if you don’t work you can’t win or you can be lacking in talent but make up for it by working hard and be as equally successful.  Hard work ethic on the court will eventually bleed into everyday life.  To want something big you have to make big sacrifices. 

Our Daughter, Alex at a late night game.

Alex and I have heard all the stories about how he didn’t have toys as a little boy, he only worried about basketball; although my mother-in-law is quick to point out that he had a love for toy trains at one point, ha.  The point of his story being that his passion for the sport started long ago and back in the day he was pretty good based on the stories I have heard. Rarely do you ever just see that “love” for the game anymore, rarely do you see a young athlete so dedicated that they live, sleep and eat their sport. The thing is, not every good player will be a good coach, it takes more than the ability to play the game and understand the game.  If you really take time and notice, good coaches are people whom leave a lasting impact on lives.  I like to joke with him all the time that he may have a career in politics ahead because of all the former players and player’s parents that stop him to speak at events.  At the end of the day, it’s not the win/loss record he is worried about, it’s about if he / our family have made an impact in just one life, did we help someone reach a goal, get closer to a goal, learn a life lesson. Still to this day he texts with boys that played for him years ago, some of them have gone on to Coach themselves and when they reach out to “talk shop” with him, his face lights up.  That’s how you know you haven’t failed them, that you in a sense have succeeded. With anything in life there is no guarantee for success, there is always the room for negative, that is just a chance you take. 

One of my favorite basketball quotes

Whoever said it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, was wrong, it totally matters when you are going home with the coach.  We have a routine for those nights when the team has just lost -  we just don’t talk about it, I try desperately to change the subject and if that doesn’t work I use our ten year old daughter to soften him up when she is not sulking over the loss herself.  Charlie hates to lose, but the thing is, he doesn’t hate it for him, he hates it for his players.  As a Coach he wants to shoulder all the responsibility, he wants to take the blame and wants to give the credit.  It takes a special person to always put others before themselves, to be completely selfless in an endeavor and that’s what he does. 

 I have wondered in the past why he does it, why does he pour his heart and soul into teams that may or may not appreciate it.  It wasn’t until one day after a loss that broke a pretty impressive winning streak, I began to understand what he had been telling me for years.  Walking into our living room I was not prepared for the smile gracing his lips, that didn’t happen after losses. He proceeded to tell me he had just gotten a message from one of the first kids he ever coached thanking him for something he taught him a long time ago.  Meaning clicked for me at that moment, this is not just about a game he has loved since he was a kid, it is about life.  He doesn’t do it for himself and doesn’t care if he ever gets credit for anything, he does it for the kids.


Freshman 2014-2015 team at a Tourney Championship

 No, it’s not always rainbows and sunshine, Charlie has endured enough adversity for all of us.  Sad fact about the world we live in, someone is always rooting for you to fail.  He’s much more even kill about the criticism than I am.  When the tough times hit I feel like I have to question motive, why would you possibly want to deceive a person so willing to give to our youth with nothing in return.  I have asked him point blank why he continues to do it. My instinct when someone comes at you is to retaliate, that’s not how Charlie operates, he is usually the one calming me down when it is him that should be outraged.  He’s told me numerous times “if I can help just one kid reach a goal or learn a life lesson then I’ll have done my job. It’s not about the voices around me, it’s only about the kids” 

 

We recently celebrated eight years as Coach and Coach’s wife, he was a coach before we got married; I thought I knew what I was getting into, I was wrong.  Nothing could have ever prepared me for the job I was walking in to, or the blessings it would bring into my life.  His coaching has brought some of my very best friends into my life, brought people into my life who have become our family.  Being a Coach’s wife/ Coach Mom is a job that I enjoy. I laugh all the time and say I have one daughter and about 12 sons, because that is honestly how it feels at times.  Our doors are always open, not just to the current players but former ones as well and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Once someone becomes family, they stay family, long after the ball stops bouncing, long after they have moved on to college, marriage and career.  Reaching out to players after they’re gone isn’t part of the job description, and my husband has never been one to follow instructions, he still talks to a lot of his former players regularly, checking up on them. motivating them, rooting for them.  



Fondue during the AAU season with some great young men.

I have rolled my sorry tail out of the bed at the crack of dawn to cut up breakfast fruit before a tournament game.  It is a given that at least three times a season, my living room will be full of teenage boys that expect me to feed them, so I feed them and  they eat, a lot. In the warmer months we cook out and swim.  Charlie is really good at planning these events (insert sarcasm here) , meaning he tells me twelve hours prior and says, “I think you should get….”  So I do, all while mumbling under my breath about how I am going to kill him.  Really I enjoy the company as much as he does. Our home is their home, I want the kids to feel welcome and comfortable there, for those months during the season, they will see him more than I will.
         So, as we begin a new season my life will consist of nightmares of Coaching DVDs, dinner will consist of fast food or concession food.  Saturdays will be reserved for games in addition to the week night specials, my living room will smell like gym socks, my car will be overrun with basketballs, the players will complain about my driving, I will make an endless amount of turtles and Better than Basketball cakes, I will shush my husband a million times for lashing out at an official, I will finally lose my cool and lash out at an official myself, I will have to calm my daughter down when she tries to coach from the stands and I will have to block out the negativity slung at him. Our life will revolve around his mistress for the better part of a year before she gives us a three to four-month hiatus.  And at the end of the season, the record won’t matter as much to him as the relationships he’s made on the way and if his team has gotten better as individuals.  I share my husband with basketball, I get to watch him live out part of his dream by helping kids.   I am a Coach’s wife, this is what I signed up for and I am beyond blessed to call this coach mine.