I Hope That I Haven’t Failed you

The older I get the less and less holidays are enjoyable for me. I guess I should accompany that statement with saying this first, I am one lucky girl, I’ve made so many memories and been blessed with opportunities to better myself and provide for my family, I’ve had the privilege of knowing and developing relationships with great friends, I have an amazing family both blood and not and I’ve had the amazing experience of loving others. So, I don’t want my first sentence to seem petty or ungrateful, it’s exactly the opposite - words can never express my gratitude and I’ve lost enough loved ones to know that I cannot afford to take one minute, one opportunity for granted to make memories with my loved ones, which holidays often provide. It’s just the pressure, the expectation of those singled out special days of the year that bring one more thing into the fold you have to worry about and today, Mother’s Day, is no exception. As moms, I feel like we’re under a microscope enough, the pressure to be the successful professional, the dry-cleaner, the baker, the chef, the maid, the confidant, the chauffeur and the find anything missing in less than a minute individual. It doesn’t help that the very minute we fail at one small thing it’s broadcasted to the world. Do I love being a mom? Of course I do. Do I love my daughter more than life? Absolutely. Would I trade a minute of my life? No way. Would I trade my life for hers, take the pain for her, try to keep the world from ever hurting her? Certainly. How am I doing as a mom? I’m failing and failing bad. Is it possible that I’ve tried too hard to be a good mom that it’s made me bad at it? Because that’s exactly how I feel about it today. In the world we live in today, our kids are exposed to so many things that can ultimately factor into the type of person they become, the type of adult they will be, how hard they will work. I’ve focused so much on doing so much for my daughter, I’ve spoiled her since birth and I’m realizing now that instead of making her feel loved, I’ve only made her feel entitled. What’s the first thing you want to do when your child feels pain? Take it away. When something’s wrong, you want to fix it for them, it’s engrained in us a “Mamma”. What happens we wake up one day to realize that by providing so much, loving so much we’ve made them ungrateful, we’ve made them co-dependent and lazy? Honestly, I don’t know that today’s youth know how far a simple, “thank you” or “how was your day mom?” goes. That just showing some interest or concern let’s the hardworking, frazzled and frustrated mom know that they’re not killing themselves for nothing. It’s very rare that you hear “yes, sir” or “no, ma’am” these days. My point is this, I have concentrated so much on making things great for my kid, making sure she not only has what she needs but what she wants that I have made it almost impossible for her see that she should be thankful for what she has, that she doesn’t always need more. I have made it hard for her mind to conceive that if you want good things in life you have to work for them. You want a 4.0 GPA and to go to your dream school? Work for it, study hard, prepare and take advantage of every opportunity granted to you. You want succeed at your sport or think you deserve more playing time? Work for it, put in the after hours work, refuse to give up and put forth 110% of effort into what you are passionate about every single day. I can’t do it for you and despite what my past actions may have displayed, I don’t want to do it for you. I want you experience the feel of achieving a goal you worked for. I want you to be proud of yourself. I want you to want for others, to think of others and feel empathy for those around you. I want you to realize that others matter just as much as you do, despite the fact that I’ve made you feel like the only little girl in the world. You matter but others matter too. We’ve reached the point in your life that I just have to hope you come to these realizations on your own. Truth is, I know what you’re capable of, I know deep down you have everything it takes to climb any mountain you chose to tackle. I’ll be your biggest cheerleader waiting at the top. I’ll even hold your hand through the hardest peaks but I cannot and will not climb that mountain for you, I love you too much to do that. I have had my time, now is yours and I love you too much to live through you. I want you to experience not only the happiness and laughter that comes with life but the sadness and adversity life throws your way as well. And while as a young teen this may seem harsh to you, my hope is that one day you’ll understand, one day when you’re a mother, you’ll see the method behind my madness. I hope that by trying to be such a good mother to you, that I haven’t failed you all together.

Guest Post: The Journey

Guest post from The Coach that resides in our home, this year is a particularly sentimental one for our family, some of our kids (because any part of the basketball family is just that - family) that we have spent countless hours with, in multiple cities and states over the summers are graduating in a few short weeks and it is really hitting home. Below he speaks out, which he hardly ever does, about his journey with a special group of young men over the course of two, three, four or five years on being in the huddle on the sidelines with them. He talks about how all chapters in life, no two alike, end as a new one begins and what you take with you when you go is most important. --------------------------------------------------The Journey-from beginning to end and this is what I’ve learned ------- Charlie Pack Are there things I’d go back and change? It’s only natural to say yes, but then we would not be where we are today and we wouldn’t be as wise as we are today, we wouldn’t be the people we are today. A journey consists of many things, many hours of pounding the stone hoping to just have a chance at the end. There will be highs and lows, you will sweat together, you will cry together (both of happy and sad ones) and you will be your brother’s keeper. Those that have support you,  embrace them, those are the people you can talk to about your dream, your journey and they will understand you, understand your determination and destination. Ignore those that doubt you, if you let them in they will only bring you down. Instead use their words, their doubts as motivation on the days you feel like quitting. There will be arguments, regrets, adversity, disagreements, and your character will be tested. Don’t let the obstacles overshadow the love, laughter, hugs, smiles, and bonds you build along the way.

And just as everything in life does, the journey will come to and end, people will move on and start anew. And with that change all you can do is hope that the relationships that have been built will outlast time. You hope that  the lessons you have been taught and values that have been instilled in you on this part of the journey help you achieve more in life and guide your path.

The beginning is scary, the process is fun and the ending is sad - that’s the complete journey. Letting go of things at the end of each chapter of your life can become emotionally draining. And you must start all over again. Developing new relationships, figuring out goals and what brings purpose to them. What are their goals on and off the court? And just like with every process, it is a challenge at first, but when you stick to what works, when those relationships blossom it is a beautiful thing.

Our journey has been a beautiful thing and it has made us who we are today. We can’t live in the past, we can’t go back and change it, we learn from it, let it make us better and brace for the future because nobody knows what’s ahead of us. Focus on the present, prepare for tomorrow and learn from the past and grow.  

The journey is not always easy but, it is worth every single second. Wins and losses don’t matter, it’s the relationships, smiles, hugs, and knowing you have helped them along the way and they have helped with yours that is truly what makes the process of the journey beautiful.

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