Recently I just celebrated my 34th birthday, my daughter will soon be 11, I have no clue where time has gone? Just yesterday I was playing in the mud, playing kickball outside, worried about how many more days of school was left this year, now those activities and worries are replaced by paying bills, doing laundry, cleaning house and worrying about if my family has food on the table and clean clothes. We couldn't wait to grow up and now I realize how overrated adulthood really is. My point is - the passing of my birthday has me reflecting, reflecting on my life - what it is - what I thought it should be - what I could do to be a better person. So I have decided that within the next year, I am taking some time to work on me. How did I get here? How did I become this person? Is this the person I want to be? I do not know if there are right an wrong answers to these questions, heck how many questions in this life really are cut and dry? Trying to grow up to fast is how I got here, how did I become this person, I don't know - is this the person I want to be - I can answer that one easy....no. The only person who can change who you are is, well you so I am issuing a challenge to myself - 365 days to a better me.
My life hasn't been a bed of roses, don't get me wrong, it hasn't been horrible either; however, I have been through quite a bit in my 34 years on this earth and maybe those negative experiences have taken a toll on my faith in mankind, the goodness in the world. I would give anything to view the world through the eyes of a child, the bad stuff isn't as easily seen, young eyes tend to see only the good. Through good and bad I have grown as a person so I wouldn't have the strength I have today without them.
Working on my fitness --- It's not about weight loss; although heaven knows I could use it. My weight has yo-yo'd all my life. It's not about what I look like, it's about how I feel. Experience has taught me that when I have better habits, I feel better and I deal with adversity better and I have enough adversity for all of us. Activity is a must, so I will exercise more, get out and walk, lift some weights, take a spinning class, maybe learn to kick box. I know that some days I could do some damage to a punching bag. Water, I hate it but I vow to learn to love it and give up on those things that are so bad for my body like soda and processed foods.
Don't Stop Believing - Writing has always been a passion of mine, and I do find time to blog every now and then, but I want to do it more. I am not always the best at conveying my thoughts and feelings verbally; however, given paper and pen it seems like it just flows for me. My childhood dream was to be a writer, maybe it will happen someday. The thing is when we lose our dreams we lose part of ourselves, we kill our inner child that we should always hang on to. I will find 8 year old Misty again and the fact that this year the Jem and the Holograms Movie will be released will only spur my fight to find the child in me.
Who says you can't go home again - My grandmother can cook, you won't meet anyone who doesn't just love her peanut butter fudge. She ran a restaurant and single handily cooked for an entire community five days a week. I have tried over and over again to duplicate her fudge recipe and failed, it doesn't matter if I use the exact brand of everything she uses, it just never tastes the same. To me, there is no better smell in the world than a holiday morning at my Granny's house, in college it was honestly one of my favorite parts of going home, that smell, my granny's cooking means home, it means comfort, it means safe. I want Alex to feel that way about our home, I want to create an environment so welcoming, so comforting that she can't wait to visit when she's older. Plus, teasing her about measurements by saying "a little of this" "a pinch of that" and "a dash of that" instead of actual measuring terms will be so much fun, I can only imagine how much fun Granny had with that.
That's so cliché - I read more than I do anything else. Keeping your brain sharp is very important and if life has taught me one thing it is that you can never learn enough about anything. So yes, my Kindle is full of romance novels and sports biographies but that's not all I read, I read blogs every day, work requires me to read health related and billing articles every day but I want to appreciate the classics. I have never read Jane Eyre nor Pride and Prejudice, which is a shame as much as I read, everyone should read the classics. I want to read the classics, I want to read biographies about the leader I want to be. I don't want to be the cliché, I want to learn all I can for as long as I can about everything.
Take Chances --- All of my life I have traveled the easy path, the road most seem to travel, I won't call it the straight and narrow, because I am just not so sure that it exists anymore; which leads me to believe that it may be time to take the road less traveled. I just went white water rafting for the first time with my family this year, it was exhilarating and refreshing. Do more things that put butterflies in my stomach, hiking, zip lining more roller coasters - that's living life to the fullest and that is what I plan on doing. Set out to do something that will test all my ability, strength and patience and see it through regardless of how long it takes me.
I want to be Dis-connected ---- Be honest, what is the first thing you reach for in the morning, and the last thing you touched at night? I can't lie, my phone or kindle is practically glued to my side. As technology has changed our lives we have changed how we treat people. Texts during meals, scrolling Facebook while sitting in waiting rooms, etc....by becoming more connected we have actually became disconnected from our real lives and as human beings. Sadly sometimes your Facebook followers may know more about what is happening in your life than you may know what is actually happening in your own families lives and you share a roof with them. I am so guilty of this, I can't even act like I am not. I will pick more time to become disconnected from objects and connected to my loved ones.
I am sorry - hardest phrase in the English language. --- Hardest lesson ever learned in life, people aren't always who you think they are and their intentions aren't always good. The world is full of spiteful, mean people who will wrong you. The list of people who wrong you, people who betray throughout life can be long and endless, you can't control this, what you can control is how you react to it. It's not our place to judge, I like to make it a point to always try to place myself in the their shoes, try to sympathize that they may haven't always had it good, that they may not know better. The quote about people coming into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Some people don't make the journey with you and that is okay. I will try to forgive those who have wronged me, I can't vow to forget but I can vow to forgive. Forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you. Letting go frees you, and when you can do this under the most dire circumstances it means this jaded world hasn't made you completely bitter.
"Was I really going that fast officer?" --- Yes, that's me, the chick squealing into the parking lot at 10:00 AM on the dot for the 10:00 AM meeting. My father-in-law once said I would be late for my own funeral, he's a wise man. Punctuality is my kryptonite, along with bread and TV drama's but that is a story for another day. Trust me, I have every intention of being there with 15 minutes to spare, it just never seems to happen. I am that chick halfway dressed (but decent) running out the front door and maybe putting on mascara as I drive down I-64. My lateness has become such constant that it is a running joke in my family. I want to prove them wrong that I can be counted on to be there with time to spare.
Don't Worry Be Happy - Catchy little tune, and lets just be honest at sometime you thought there was no man any better looking than Tom Cruise in Cocktail. Lastly, I want to quit worrying and just take in the here and now, appreciate the little moments, the laughter me, my husband and daughter share, an inside joke with one of my friends and the hilarity that we know something no one else does. - I want to remember all the good times and vow to have more of them.
It seems like somewhere along the way I have lost myself, maybe not my whole self but part of myself. And I hope within the next year I figure out who I am. I guess maybe my way of challenging myself is posting this for all to see, that maybe in some weird way it will make me be more accountable in my actions, because one thing is for sure I want to be a wife, mother and friend that people can be proud of - a person that I can be proud of. I know she's out there, and I know that is who I am meant to be.
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