My Husband has a Mistress..........

My husband has a mistress, I’ve known this since I met him and I married him anyway. She sleeps between us every year from October to July. I have to give him credit, he was completely upfront about it, talked about the passion they shared, that she was his first love, she was there for him when no one else was and he politely told me no one would ever take her place.  My husband has a mistress, her name is basketball and I am totally okay with that.



Part of our Family; Freshman 2014-2015 Team

Somewhere I once read that it is a blessing to have something to be passionate about, but if you are actually good at what you are passionate about it is a sign.  For my better half all signs point to coaching basketball, he is passionate about helping kids and basketball, the bonus is that he is really good at it.  It takes a special person to reach today’s youth, to get them to buy in, to get them to believe in what you’re teaching and somehow Charlie does that. 

 

Anything worth doing, is worth doing well, my Granny Margaret said those words to me as a little girl and there’s not an aspect of life they do not reach.  When you are as passionate about something as Charlie you give it your all and then some, so that means our household must revolve around basketball and it does.  That fact is why it’s normal for him to not be home until late, for him to be at the gym hours before practice even starts.  It is normal for our trunk to be full of extra uniforms and basketballs, it is normal to find practice schedules all over the house, it is normal for your wife to actually know what a press offense is.  Every night I watch him read leadership books and draw up play’s (Alex once asked why he was drawing all those hugs and kisses) with X’s and O’s and infuriate me to no end rewinding games to re-watch plays.  It is normal for your wardrobe to consist of only the school colors (even when it’s not your best color) and for the abundance of Coaching DVDs in your entertainment stand to outweigh the cartoons.  Charlie puts his whole heart into helping boys grow, not only as basketball players but as young men. The lesson being, you can have all the talent in the world, but if you don’t work you can’t win or you can be lacking in talent but make up for it by working hard and be as equally successful.  Hard work ethic on the court will eventually bleed into everyday life.  To want something big you have to make big sacrifices. 

Our Daughter, Alex at a late night game.

Alex and I have heard all the stories about how he didn’t have toys as a little boy, he only worried about basketball; although my mother-in-law is quick to point out that he had a love for toy trains at one point, ha.  The point of his story being that his passion for the sport started long ago and back in the day he was pretty good based on the stories I have heard. Rarely do you ever just see that “love” for the game anymore, rarely do you see a young athlete so dedicated that they live, sleep and eat their sport. The thing is, not every good player will be a good coach, it takes more than the ability to play the game and understand the game.  If you really take time and notice, good coaches are people whom leave a lasting impact on lives.  I like to joke with him all the time that he may have a career in politics ahead because of all the former players and player’s parents that stop him to speak at events.  At the end of the day, it’s not the win/loss record he is worried about, it’s about if he / our family have made an impact in just one life, did we help someone reach a goal, get closer to a goal, learn a life lesson. Still to this day he texts with boys that played for him years ago, some of them have gone on to Coach themselves and when they reach out to “talk shop” with him, his face lights up.  That’s how you know you haven’t failed them, that you in a sense have succeeded. With anything in life there is no guarantee for success, there is always the room for negative, that is just a chance you take. 

One of my favorite basketball quotes

Whoever said it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, was wrong, it totally matters when you are going home with the coach.  We have a routine for those nights when the team has just lost -  we just don’t talk about it, I try desperately to change the subject and if that doesn’t work I use our ten year old daughter to soften him up when she is not sulking over the loss herself.  Charlie hates to lose, but the thing is, he doesn’t hate it for him, he hates it for his players.  As a Coach he wants to shoulder all the responsibility, he wants to take the blame and wants to give the credit.  It takes a special person to always put others before themselves, to be completely selfless in an endeavor and that’s what he does. 

 I have wondered in the past why he does it, why does he pour his heart and soul into teams that may or may not appreciate it.  It wasn’t until one day after a loss that broke a pretty impressive winning streak, I began to understand what he had been telling me for years.  Walking into our living room I was not prepared for the smile gracing his lips, that didn’t happen after losses. He proceeded to tell me he had just gotten a message from one of the first kids he ever coached thanking him for something he taught him a long time ago.  Meaning clicked for me at that moment, this is not just about a game he has loved since he was a kid, it is about life.  He doesn’t do it for himself and doesn’t care if he ever gets credit for anything, he does it for the kids.


Freshman 2014-2015 team at a Tourney Championship

 No, it’s not always rainbows and sunshine, Charlie has endured enough adversity for all of us.  Sad fact about the world we live in, someone is always rooting for you to fail.  He’s much more even kill about the criticism than I am.  When the tough times hit I feel like I have to question motive, why would you possibly want to deceive a person so willing to give to our youth with nothing in return.  I have asked him point blank why he continues to do it. My instinct when someone comes at you is to retaliate, that’s not how Charlie operates, he is usually the one calming me down when it is him that should be outraged.  He’s told me numerous times “if I can help just one kid reach a goal or learn a life lesson then I’ll have done my job. It’s not about the voices around me, it’s only about the kids” 

 

We recently celebrated eight years as Coach and Coach’s wife, he was a coach before we got married; I thought I knew what I was getting into, I was wrong.  Nothing could have ever prepared me for the job I was walking in to, or the blessings it would bring into my life.  His coaching has brought some of my very best friends into my life, brought people into my life who have become our family.  Being a Coach’s wife/ Coach Mom is a job that I enjoy. I laugh all the time and say I have one daughter and about 12 sons, because that is honestly how it feels at times.  Our doors are always open, not just to the current players but former ones as well and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Once someone becomes family, they stay family, long after the ball stops bouncing, long after they have moved on to college, marriage and career.  Reaching out to players after they’re gone isn’t part of the job description, and my husband has never been one to follow instructions, he still talks to a lot of his former players regularly, checking up on them. motivating them, rooting for them.  



Fondue during the AAU season with some great young men.

I have rolled my sorry tail out of the bed at the crack of dawn to cut up breakfast fruit before a tournament game.  It is a given that at least three times a season, my living room will be full of teenage boys that expect me to feed them, so I feed them and  they eat, a lot. In the warmer months we cook out and swim.  Charlie is really good at planning these events (insert sarcasm here) , meaning he tells me twelve hours prior and says, “I think you should get….”  So I do, all while mumbling under my breath about how I am going to kill him.  Really I enjoy the company as much as he does. Our home is their home, I want the kids to feel welcome and comfortable there, for those months during the season, they will see him more than I will.
         So, as we begin a new season my life will consist of nightmares of Coaching DVDs, dinner will consist of fast food or concession food.  Saturdays will be reserved for games in addition to the week night specials, my living room will smell like gym socks, my car will be overrun with basketballs, the players will complain about my driving, I will make an endless amount of turtles and Better than Basketball cakes, I will shush my husband a million times for lashing out at an official, I will finally lose my cool and lash out at an official myself, I will have to calm my daughter down when she tries to coach from the stands and I will have to block out the negativity slung at him. Our life will revolve around his mistress for the better part of a year before she gives us a three to four-month hiatus.  And at the end of the season, the record won’t matter as much to him as the relationships he’s made on the way and if his team has gotten better as individuals.  I share my husband with basketball, I get to watch him live out part of his dream by helping kids.   I am a Coach’s wife, this is what I signed up for and I am beyond blessed to call this coach mine.
 

If Only...it were Like it was on....(Insert your favorite Drama Show Here)

Netflix, Netflix, Netflix....best thing since sliced bread.  Seriously, what did we do before we had the
capability to binge watch entire seasons, sometimes series in very few sittings.  Being more of a reader myself, I have just recently been bitten by the "Binge" bug where I have watched an entire season of a drama in one sitting (don't judge),  Olivia Pope would capture anyone's attention from the get go.  Scandal hasn't been my only indulgence, there have been many victims to my Netflix "Binges" since my daughter gifted me with a Roku last Mothers Day.

Given this unlimited access and gift of not actually having to wait until next week at the regular time slot to see what happens to our favorite characters, imaginations start running wild, you are allowed to slip into the characters.  Lie if you want, but at one point you have sympathized with, related to and cried with fictional characters, you have wanted to actually be them and our minds get so wrapped around these things the lines between fictional and reality actually start to get blurred. We begin to think, what if my life really was like that and that ignited my thinking....

What if..... I were a powerful woman in Washington, D.C fixing problems and having a steamy affair with the president, a la Olivia Pope.  I mean how awesome would it be to be the "mistress" everyone actually rooted for as apposed to wearing the Scarlet Letter in society. Be honest, Thursday nights and during Netflix binges are the only instances we deem the "mistress" the good girl, we actually root for her, we cheer on the infidelity between her and our Commander in Chief insisting that even if he does divorce his wife for the "other" woman, we would still vote for him, all would still be well in societal standards.  As women, we relate, the desire we all have to be a powerful female, a hot commodity professionally,  to be loyal to a fault, to have people who believe in you so much they would fight for you, to be wanted relentlessly by a man that should not want us; a man that we cannot have.  Our heart strings are tugged as we await Olivia's personal happily ever after since professionally she has sacrificed everything for everyone else.  That's where you get sucked in, her need to "mother" her staff, her need to be all consumed by love because you can't chose who you fall in love with, her need to wear the "white" hat that makes things better.  Scandal makes you rethink, makes you re-evaluate what really is bad or wrong and what really is good or right and I love that, I am team Olivia all the way.
 
What if......I married my high school sweetheart, had a successful music career and my husband graced the NBA, a la Haley James Scott.  No one will ever make me believe that at one point you didn't envy Tutor Girl and Nathan's relationship (aka Naley) on One Tree Hill.  A music tryst, a psycho nanny, multiple brushes with death, the fact that Nathan was a total butthead in the beginning, parental deaths and two kids later, they survived and their love was strong as ever.  As a woman we relate because we want to believe in the fairy tale, we want to believe that there is actually a happily ever after that wasn't orchestrated by Walt Disney.  We want to believe that a male can be faitful all those years, that he can love you so much his own dreams come second.  Couples actually do compromise and sacrifice for each other. Naley sucks you in by taking you on the entire ride with them from first meeting through high school, marriage, pregnancy, parenthood and the feels are there you laugh with them, smile with them, cry with them, grow with them, and that is why Naley will always be relationship goals.

What if.......You fell in love with a convicted felon, a la Sarah Tancredi.   Who would have ever thought I could become pulled in by felons, prison and being on the run?  Prison Break completely took me out of my drama comfort zone.  Doesn't take a genius to guess what appeals to us as females, everyone wants to love the bad boy trying to do what is right, Michael and Sarah are the current day Robin Hood and Maid Marian of sorts, thanks again Walt.  We relate because it was love at first sight, because they both had been without parents the majority of their lives and needed each other, because he is willing to do whatever it takes for her as she is him, because the promise of  "one day", because there is never a perfect time to meet your soul mate.   Prison Break's King and Queen makes us want to believe in complete selflessness and sacrifice for love, we want to believe that regardless of what curves the road ahead may have love doesn't have to die.  Inmates in love, a great love story, how's that for outside the box. 

Leave it to Netflix to allow us that reprieve needed some day's to step outside of who we are and picture ourselves as more dramatic, more exciting people, to give us that escape from the everyday.  For a small fee each month we have all these characters  at the tip of our fingers just pulling us in.  Fiction, that's all it is, but it's okay to use your imagination from time to time to be Olivia Pope, Haley James Scott or Sarah Tancredi,  because deep down at one point every female can relate to a little part of each one of these ladies, we desire to be more like each one of these ladies, regardless if we want to admit it or not.

Blowing Out the Old Flame.....365 Days to a better Me

Recently I just celebrated my 34th birthday, my daughter will soon be 11, I have no clue where time has gone?  Just yesterday I was playing in the mud, playing kickball outside, worried about how many more days of school was left this year, now those activities and worries are replaced by paying bills, doing laundry, cleaning house and worrying about if my family has food on the table and clean clothes.  We couldn't wait to grow up and now I realize how overrated adulthood really is.  My point is - the passing of my birthday has me reflecting, reflecting on my life - what it is - what I thought it should be - what I could do to be a better person. So I have decided that within the next year, I am taking some time to work on me. 

How did I get here?  How did I become this person?  Is this the person I want to be? I do not know if there are right an wrong answers to these questions, heck how many questions in this life really are cut and dry?  Trying to grow up to fast is how I got here, how did I become this person, I don't know - is this the person I want to be - I can answer that one easy....no.  The only person who can change who you are is, well you so I am issuing a challenge to myself - 365 days to a better me. 

My life hasn't been a bed of roses, don't get me wrong, it hasn't been horrible either; however, I have been through quite a bit in my 34 years on this earth and maybe those negative experiences have taken a toll on my faith in mankind, the goodness in the world.  I would give anything to view the world through the eyes of a child, the bad stuff isn't as easily seen, young eyes tend to see only the good.  Through good and bad I have grown as a person so I wouldn't have the strength I have today without them. 

Working on my fitness --- It's not about weight loss; although heaven knows I could use it.  My weight has yo-yo'd all my life.  It's not about what I look like, it's about how I feel.  Experience has taught me that when I have better habits, I feel better and I deal with adversity better and I have enough adversity for all of us.  Activity is a must, so I will exercise more, get out and walk, lift some weights, take a spinning class, maybe learn to kick box.  I know that some days I could do some damage to a punching bag.  Water, I hate it but I vow to learn to love it and give up on those things that are so bad for my body like soda and processed foods. 

Don't Stop Believing  - Writing  has always been a passion of mine, and I do find time to blog every now and then, but I want to do it more.  I am not always the best at conveying my thoughts and feelings verbally; however, given paper and pen it seems like it just flows for me.  My childhood dream was to be a writer, maybe it will happen someday. The thing is when we lose our dreams we lose part of ourselves, we kill our inner child that we should always hang on to.  I will find 8 year old Misty again and the fact that this year the Jem and the Holograms Movie will be released will only spur my fight to find the child in me. 

Who says you can't go home again - My grandmother can cook, you won't meet anyone who doesn't just love her peanut butter fudge. She ran a restaurant and single handily cooked for an entire community five days a week.   I have tried over and over again to duplicate her fudge recipe and failed, it doesn't matter if I use the exact brand of everything she uses, it just never tastes the same.  To me, there is no better smell in the world than a holiday morning at my Granny's house, in college it was honestly one of my favorite parts of going home, that smell, my granny's cooking means home, it means comfort, it means safe. I want Alex to feel that way about our home, I want to create an environment so welcoming, so comforting that she can't wait to visit when she's older.  Plus, teasing her about measurements by saying "a little of this" "a pinch of that" and "a dash of that" instead of actual measuring terms will be so much fun, I can only imagine how much fun Granny had with that. 

That's so cliché   - I read more than I do anything else. Keeping your brain sharp is very important and if life has taught me one thing it is that you can never learn enough about anything.   So yes, my Kindle is full of romance novels and sports biographies but that's not all I read, I read blogs every day, work requires me to read health related and billing articles every day but I want to appreciate the classics.  I have never read Jane Eyre nor Pride and Prejudice, which is a shame as much as I read, everyone should read the classics.  I want to read the classics, I want to read biographies about the leader I want to be.  I don't want to be the cliché, I want to learn all I can for as long as I can about everything.

Take Chances --- All of my life I have traveled the easy path, the road most seem to travel, I won't call it the straight and narrow, because I am just not so sure that it exists anymore; which leads me to believe that it may be time to take the road less traveled.  I just went white water rafting for the first time with my family this year, it was exhilarating and refreshing.  Do more things that put butterflies in my stomach, hiking, zip lining more roller coasters - that's living life to the fullest and that is what I plan on doing.  Set out to do something that will test all my ability, strength and patience  and see it through regardless of how long it takes me.

I want to be Dis-connected ---- Be honest, what is the first thing you reach for in the morning, and the last thing you touched at night?  I can't lie, my phone or kindle is practically glued to my side.  As technology has changed our lives we have changed how we treat people.  Texts during meals, scrolling Facebook while sitting in waiting rooms, etc....by becoming more connected we have actually became disconnected from our real lives and as human beings. Sadly sometimes your Facebook followers may know more about what is happening in your life than you may know what is actually happening in your own families lives and you share a roof with them.  I am so guilty of this, I can't even act like I am not.  I will pick more time to become disconnected from objects and connected to my loved ones.

I am sorry - hardest phrase in the English language. --- Hardest lesson ever learned in life, people aren't always who you think they are and their intentions aren't always good.  The world is full of spiteful, mean people who will wrong you.  The list of people who wrong you, people who betray throughout life can be long and endless, you can't control this, what you can control is how you react to it.  It's not our place to judge, I like to make it a point to always try to place myself in the their shoes, try to sympathize that they may haven't always had it good, that they may not know better.  The quote about people coming into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  Some people don't make the journey with you and that is okay.  I will try to forgive those who have wronged me, I can't vow to forget but I can vow to forgive.  Forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you.  Letting go frees you, and when you can do this under the most dire circumstances it means this jaded world hasn't made you completely bitter. 

"Was I really going that fast officer?"   --- Yes, that's me, the chick squealing into the parking lot at 10:00 AM on the dot for the 10:00 AM meeting.  My father-in-law once said I would be late for my own funeral, he's a wise man.  Punctuality is my kryptonite, along with bread and TV drama's but that is a story for another day.  Trust me, I have every intention of being there with 15 minutes to spare, it just never seems to happen.  I am that chick halfway dressed (but decent) running out the front door and maybe putting on mascara as I drive down I-64.  My lateness has become such constant that it is a running joke in my family. I want to prove them wrong that I can be counted on to be there with time to spare.

Don't Worry Be Happy - Catchy little tune, and lets just be honest at sometime you thought there was no man any better looking than Tom Cruise in Cocktail.  Lastly, I want to quit worrying and just take in the here and now, appreciate the little moments, the laughter me, my husband and daughter share, an inside joke with one of my friends and the hilarity that we know something no one else does. - I want to remember all the good times and vow to have more of them.

It seems like somewhere along the way I have lost myself, maybe not my whole self but part of myself.  And I hope within the next year I figure out who I am.  I guess maybe my way of challenging myself is posting this for all to see, that maybe in some weird way it will make me be more accountable in my actions, because one thing is for sure I want to be a wife, mother and friend that people can be proud of - a person that I can be proud of.  I know she's out there, and I know that is who I am meant to be.